My Incomplete Sissy Affair


“If I had a sister, it would be so much fun to exchange clothes with her”, this was my ultimate reason behind the wish of wanting a sister terribly, whilst I was young. However, as I grew up, I knew this wish will never be granted, since I was gifted with a brother instead. As time passed on, I still shared the secret wish of having a sister with my mother and to which she always responded with a laugh and the answer that “you have cousins and they all are your sisters too”. I agreed with her answer to some extent, but I always added the fact that they are younger than me whereas, I needed someone who is similar to my age and with whom I can share my clothes. Silly me!

With the tick tick of the clock, my wish of sister remained the same, but the reasons changed significantly. As I grew up to a teenager, I wanted a sister with whom I can get a piece of advice on the clothes I wear, first crush, talking about the movie (A walk to remember – in own ishtyle), sharing the real deep feelings of the novel (Love Story by Erich Segal), talking about the funny incidents of classroom, burdens of homework etc.

However, when I crossed the teenage and found myself climbing the ladders of maturity, I found that I was occupied with my studies and career that the circle of my friends kept me occupied and the tied knot wish slowly started to loosen than before. The pressure of doing something on my own or as we say “Standing in own Feet” (Afno khutta ma ubinu- A popular proverb as said in Nepali) overruled it.

Whereas, now, when I find myself in a different phase than before, where I am acting in different roles of daughter, wife, and most importantly, the mother, my heart have started to paint the strokes of bright colours in my fading thoughts again. Whilst juggling with the various roles in home and office, I find myself reviving the wish of having a sister again. If I had one, I would have shared the experiences of my pre and post pregnancy, share the joy and insecurities of motherhood, window shop & watch movie together, criticize and appreciate each other, plan and discuss about our and babies future together and many more.

Most of my friends are gifted with sisters and the rapport they share with each other have always made me envious. Even I am fortunate to have a few friends with whom I find myself at ease. When I am with them, I am at my comfort zone, we chat nonstop, be the best critic whilst shopping, share the same cone of popcorn whilst watching movie, laugh at each other foolishness, cry on pain, pull each other legs, be a watch dog for the weight issue,  plan a get together at each other home often, seek for advise and always support each other.

And, here I am again, comforting myself again that it does not matter if I do not have my own biological sister, since I have friends who are more than sister to me. I can share what I want to and I know they are always there for me when I seek them and I do not have to wait even long. I am blessed :-)

P.S. This does not mean that I do not love my cousins and my only brother, of course, I love and miss you all. No Offence to any of you.

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Decision Making – Yes, My Cup of Tea.


A couple of days back, whilst shopping at Bhatbhateni, Chelsea, my sister’s daughter, who will turn 5 within a couple of weeks, her shopping skills caught my attention. I was checking out clothes for my son when she suggested us a pink woolen cap for him, finding it hard to deny we remarked that pink symbolises for girl, whereas, Aayam, my son is a boy instead.  After hearing this, she arrived with a blue one, suited perfectly for a baby boy.

This action of her stunned me, which made me wonder if I was that smart enough to decide back then when I was of her age and I know I was not. I even get confused at certain times, but not always. When I go shopping, I get confused which one to choose among two good pair of clothes or shoes. Although, I plan on what I want, but there are many times though not always, when I have ended up on something else. Being a complete foodie, deciding on a food item from the menu has also always been a challenge for me as well.

Decision making, I feel, plays a significant social role from the day we are chosen to be born on this earth. Deciding the name of new born, the school he/she should be enrolled, the subject one should study after the completion of higher secondary level, the career one wishes to embark etc. are all the bullet points that arises as a challenge for the parents.

However, right decision making is significant in order to bring out positive results, and make an effective change in life eventually. Sometimes, a wrong step whilst making decision often led to destruct one’s life with the action of regret forever. As a result, it is important that we become swift in the steps of deciding rather than getting confused and being delayed. On the contrary, it is also important to balance both our mind and heart when we are in the process of same and be proud of our decisions.

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Flashback – 2013


As I scroll the cursor of my life downwards towards the year 2013, I find it filled with experiences which I have never expected to happen. However, I am glad that they actually happened and taught me great lessons in the so called class of life. In a nutshell, I believe, I had the perks of being me and knowing myself. As a result, this time I would not state the whole year in terms of my achievement but, I would list out the moments which has helped to find the real me.

The most incredible was the one when I got to experience motherhood with my son Aayam. With motherhood, a long list of emotions has enlisted in me, especially the pain and gain, which I believe has developed me to be a tougher and protective person. This changing role, have made me realized why our parents are our role models and to what extent they go for their offspring happiness.

The most unbelievable one was the emerging of distance with my best friend since childhood where both of us failed to bridge the gap which I believe, developed due to our busy lives and geographical disparity. Acceptance is the most important factor required not only in friendship but in personal and professional relation as well. Once you have this, it avoids you to blame others for any unfortunate results. You need to accept the fact that you simply cannot hold on with a person if he/she does not want to and moving on is not that easy as it seems while pronouncing.

The most interesting one is my belief in right time. We get scared that we might not get what we yearn so truly madly and deeply but we succeed in it when the right time for each of them arrives. There is a saying, “Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.”― Byron Katie. Therefore, no matter how desperate we get for the things to happen, it is important that we wait for the right time in order to taste the fruit of success.

Finally, the most difficult but very important one is the realization of Let the dogs bark, the wolves howl, the lightnings flash and the crows caw, you continue doing your job!” Although, there are people who gossips about you but, what matters is the focus on goal without an inch of distraction. If you succeed in doing it then there is no one who can stop you to have what you want.

Never stop dreaming, believing and eventually work hard to turn them in reality. Happy New Year 2014!

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Election is in the air.


Yes, there is no doubt that election is in the air. The proof to it is people have started to exchange greetings with each other as “Happy Election”. I actually heard it from one of the external consultant, whom we have hired to facilitate for one of the administrative task in office. However, I have never imagined that people can also find it as a way of connecting with each other.

On the other hand, there is no huge evidence of publicity of the candidates via campaigns, rally, miking, speech, posters, pamphlets and banners as it used to be in previous elections. The publicity campaign can be noticed occasionally only as the code of conduct set by the Election Commission of Nepal prevents them to do so.

With the Constituent Assembly Election day i.e. 19 November approaching nearer, transportation strike announced by CPN-M led alliance  from 11 – 19 November against the election has caused most of the people to step a feet away from their comfort zone. Plus, The Federal Democratic National Front-affiliated Federal Limbuwan State Council (FLSC) is also supporting the nationwide strike. Despite the strike, few vehicles are in operation but   throwing of petrol bomb at running public vehicles have caused terror in the common public.

We also are aware that there are 205 seats for Direct electoral system and  396 for Proportionate electoral system but the hope of winning of 33% seats by female will be the significant thing in order to help females to represent all the other women residing in the male dominant society.

Even the organisations and government office have provided holiday so that people can go and vote in their own areas. With all this, election no doubt has been a hot cake for everyone where as, people are to some extent tired with the leadership of the political parties leading the nation no where and more in the state of turmoil.

Finally, we all pray the election to happen in a peace environment with no news of violence. May the best party/candidate win (with the inclusion of all the groups) and bring the change which we Nepali citizen have been eagerly waiting for.

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Fighting!


“Gone are your days of Korean dramas now, it is your son’s turn” was a comment which I received whilst shared about my interest towards korean dramas. However, for me, I do not believe that the case is same. 

Korean dramas have brought a revolution in Nepal since its entry; the revolution in fashion and hairstyle. If we get to just stroll on the streets of New Road, then we can get the glimpse of many teenagers adopting those styles. Last week, me and my better half went for shopping and we were amazed that most of the shops were showcasing the korean ones. Whilst asking them why, they replied that these are the ones in popular demand.

As I think about its popularity, I guess that it is the word beautiful which has been a reason for its rising popularity. We all know that we all are instantly attracted towards anything that is beautiful either it is object or human being. A girl clad in nice dress shoes bags or an item wrapped colorfully immediately turn them beautiful.  And, the most important factor is that it is our heart and eyes which are always in search of everything beautiful.

I appreciate the trend but, following it is not my cup of tea though. In fact, what I always like about them is the use of the word “Fighting” and presented with simplicity. Therefore, on a positive note, I believe, that we must keep fighting regardless of how difficult the situation is and deal the life simply too.

P.S. My favorite actor is Lee Min Ho and I am waiting eagerly for his new drama “The Heir” :-)

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The words has lost its beauty.


I have quite been familiar with the shortcut words that are being very popular in facebook. For instance, “U luk v chweet” and “TQ” are the most common ones opted mostly by the new generations.

Although, “You look very sweet” and “Thank You” are the original ones, but now, they have been replaced by the previous words in social networking sites like Facebook Twitter etc. I too felt the need to learn it in order to response those properly. And, now, it has been a habit with me as well.

As I let myself pass through the memory lane, I remember we giving our best efforts in writing the letters, essays in our english class in Highschool. We used to learn the spellings by heart and would try not to commit any mistake. Such was the charm of words then however, now, the words seem to lost its beauty. With the people getting more active in the social networking site, they have few time but in a need to express lot therefore, opting the shortcuts or the acronyms is now the easiest way. On the one hand, this no doubt has allowed people to save time and express in an easy way whereas on the other, it has made people more confined towards their own feelings and emotions with the words running on shortage.

With everyone trying to express more via smileys and the slang words, there is no doubt we all will be more intact with each other by getting in touch or connected at least, but what i doubt is do our future generation be able to hold its beauty or will it disappear like the white rabbit of Alice in Wonderland?

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Have you felt guilty lately?


Yes, I have been dealing with this word guilt a lot lately and, trying to put my best efforts to get rid of it. But, unfortunately, it is not easy as it is to write.

People have their own terms of guilt; most of the time guilt derives from a wrong action or deed which they commit knowingly or unknowingly and is below their moral standard. However, I am guilty because I am not able to give my time, attention and care to my baby in a complete way. Being a working mother of a 6 month baby boy, I have to attend the office 10 AM – 5 PM which deprives me from the small gestures and action of my baby. I believe it is not only me but all the mothers find those actions the most precious moments whilst raising a baby. Thanks to my mother (aama) who has taken the full responsibility of raising my baby during my absence.

In addition to that, what adds the fuel to the fire is my baby is attached more towards his granny than mummy and this makes me more closer towards guilt than getting farther away. I find myself lucky in comparison to my own baby because me and my brother had a full time mummy always ready to look after us, meet our needs, made us familiar with the alphabets tables, taught us to do our chores own self which I believe is the first step towards independence and, most important teach us moral values. I still remember shouting for mummy immediately after returning from school and she serving us the hot freshly cooked lunch.

Now, when I reminiscence those days, I wonder will my baby also be nurtured the same way as I was. Since, I get occupied with my work and sometimes I am demanded of late hours too it is almost difficult to manage the time. Although, I am always willing to be there for him, I know it will be inconvenient at certain times in the future. In this 21st century, where all are mothers are also busy building their career along with the fathers, time is what we lack. However, I know that I am working not only for myself but for the financial security of my baby and family and this is what helps me to get a step farther from guilt and I am able to meet the needs of my baby without any compromise. And, there are several other women who are working and have sacrificed as me.

At the end, I again get closer to it thinking that I now am not there for my son like my mother used to be for us and with the time flying faster, I know my son will be grown up and be heading to the outer world for his career and we will be the one waiting for him in our empty nest. But then again, one should not forget that the earth is round.

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